First off why do they call it a bathroom? There is no bath in that room. But you would think there is. I don’t understand how the people I work with can be such slobs.
Why is the counter always wet? Let me back up. My cube is in the unfortunate spot of being directly accross from the restrooms and just adjacent to the break room.
I get the joys of listening about everyones day to day. And most of the time it is entertaining to no end. There is a woman here trying to get married in a few days. Her fiance sounds like a total D Bag and she is so excited about it.
Then there is the mom who is way to excited about her kids. She only talks about them and them only. And did you know that she is the best mom on the planet. Her kids are angels and her husband is a mythical god.
I enjoy listening to these conversations. It gives me insite into their lives. For example the mom who has the best kids, awesome husband, and is a perfect mom. This tells me that her children are assholes and stupid, her husband is a waste of life, and she doesn’t do shit all day.
You know how I know this? Because at work anytime anyone is saying anything in a voice that is loud clear and exxagerated for all to hear means they are broadcasting. And when you broadcast you always broadcast good information so that the others around you can say “wow that person is great”. The reason she is saying that is because she is in the process of getting her yearly appraisal. So the chance of a good review depends on what she broadcasts the weeks leading up to it.
What they should do is review poeple and give them an appraisal in the restroom. Why? I’ll explain. You can tell a lot about someone by the way they use the restroom. For example. One of my coworkers walked in at the same time I did. I went to the urinal, he went to the stall.
He sat down, I stood. By the time I finished he also finished. I didn’t hear any toilet paper roll noises. But I did hear shitting noises. I didn’t hear any toilet flushing. But I did hear shit plopping into the water.
It gets better, I didn’t see him actually washing his hands. He turned on the water, put two fingers under the water for 5 seconds turned off the water and walked the fuck right out.
At this point in time I knew he only added the water part to his otherwise pointless bathroom routine because I was at the sink washing my hands.
So what in the fuck! Lets break this down. Guy took a shit, he didn’t want to wash his hands so he figured if he didn’t wipe he wouldn’t have to. Ok good plan, but now you are walking around with shit bits in your ass all day and stinking up the place.
He didn’t flush cause he didn’t want to wash his hands and then when he saw me there he decided, “well I have to show that I washed my hands might as well run my fingers under water”. “He will get the idea”.
Fuck you! And this is the way people go through life. They shit and then say fuck it the next guy will deal with it. Oh wait better show the next guy that I didn’t mean to shit without shitting properly so eh her is an attempt,…. I am good right?
So I being the person I am went and looked in the stall. Yup a big fucking terd. I kicked the flush lever with my foot. Cause the guy who cleans our restrooms is a cool guy. We talk everyday about all sorts of things. I didn’t want him to find that there a day or two after it had been shit.
So this whole thing lets me know that my coworker who did that is a primate. They do not understand the concept of being human, polite, clean etc.. They have no regard for anyone around them. The world revolves around them. And in this case its true. The guy is a total prick. He thinks he is the owner of the world.
And another weird fucking thing I have noticed. There are like 8 different ways to pull up to a urinal and piss. Each one lets you know a little bit about someone.
The guy who sits on the toilet to piss. That is a guy who never had any guy friends or was raised by a single mother. Don’t question it, just know that this guy is not a guy. He is in fact a woman.
Next is the guy who pulls up to damn close to the urinal to the point where the side of the urinal is touching his hips. He drops his pants below his butt cheeks puts his hands on his hips and pisses. This guy also doesn’t wash his hands after hes done because he has never touched his penis. But he may or may not wash his penis after it certainly has touched the inside wall of the urinal and sprayed piss all over himself. I will never understand this one. This guy should be avoided at all costs. Guy is seriously fucked in the head. Why would you insert your junk into a urinal that may or may not get sterilized regularly?
Then there is the guy who stands to far back and looks straight down at his junk and holds it with one hand and the other in his pocket. WTF is this? Trying to look casual while pissing. WTF? And more then 1 foot from the urinal is to far you dumb ass. You piss all over the fucking place.
I think the one that disturbs me the most is the guy who lets his pants fall down to his ankles pulls up to the urinal and pisses. This is a grown man with the urinal etiquette of a child. This scares me. This is a guy who also never had a guy in his life tell him to stop doing that. And after foot away guy pisses on the floor do you really want your pants touching the floor?
So there you have it. The weird fucking people I work with. The strange fucked up bathroom situations. I don’t know why I have been unlucky enough to be in the restroom when these things occur but I have. I have learned a few things though. I Keep in mind that the majority of people don’t know how to wipe their asses properly. They don’t wash properly or at all and they have strange ways of relieving themselves. How can you not know how to do that? You fucking morons. You can’t wipe properly but when you are in a meeting you are telling someone else how to do their jobs. Ya fuck you!
Next time you see someone leaving a restroom I dare you to not think about what went on in there. You assume and especially women assume that men wash and men assume women wash also. But I guarantee that women are just as messed up.
I think there can be a lot said about bathroom use and situations. And next time you are on a date you should figure out what kind of bathroom person they are. Ask the guy if he sits or stands. Why the fuck not? Chances are you are going to see them naked anyway.
Ask the women if she hovers or stands on the rim or whatever the fuck else you can do. Does she spare a square or not? This might tell you a lot about the person.
Oh and never eat anything that anyone has made at home and brought into a work party. Cause by the looks of the office bathroom and the fact that most people don’t wash their hands after going. There is a good chance you will be eating food that was prepared by unwashed hands.