Tomorrow should be a start for me. I might get around to getting my lazy ass back to the gym. I need to change something for the sake of my mind. I can’t follow this anymore. I feel like Simon Peg every morning zombie walking to the corner store to get my beverage for my drive into work. Accept I know there will not be an apocalypse and I won’t be an unlikely hero.
In February I had a fucking insane jolt of reality. I wrote a post about how I need to get off my credit card treadmill. And for the first time in years I actually did something that made me thank my psychotic rant about credit cards.
The message I gave myself that day was paying to use my own money was fucking insane!
I couldn’t sit back and watch myself do the shit that I do anymore. I had a nice reminder today of how small moments of clarity can make big changes. So I said fuck you to master card and literally took it and snapped it in half. I took my tax return and applied the whole thing to a credit card I have held for 8 years. I didn’t get rid of it by doing that but damn it by August I will be done with it.
I have been paying that fucking thing forever at the minimum payment and getting angrier and angrier at myself. The interest alone is mind numbing. But after I applied my tax return to it. I cut that thing down by half. And since I am not using it anymore over the four months I have saved myself $1,233.46. That’s roughly 308 bucks a month.
Fuck the points! Fuck the bonus shit! Funny thing is the credit card company called me and asked me if I wanted to increase my limit. Really you motherfuckers? I am finally paying my principle down and you don’t like it? The terms of using the fucking thing the way it was intended is not what you approve of? I have been getting at least 4 credit card applications every week since. Funny isn’t it? When you stop paying your pimp he comes around to slap a hoe.
I have been using cash for the past 4 months. And I have found that I am not buying shit as frequently as I was before. I think the physical act of having to go to a ATM and look at the balance and take money out is doing the trick for me.
On a credit card you don’t have that physical connection to what is happening. Honestly. I have been in a line at Chipotle for lunch gotten up to the tortilla guy and realized I had no cash and turned around and walked the fuck out. No lunch for me that day. I ended up eating a handful of almonds instead.
I keep almonds at my desk at work. I didn’t feel like going to the bank to take out 10 bucks from my whopping 50 bucks I had left after paying bills. I have kind of taken the stance of a hunter on the plains. If I am not prepared for the hunt that day then I don’t eat. Hell that might just be a new weight loss plan I haven’t tried yet. No money, no food. I can’t ever remember seeing a fat homeless guy before.
I have three cards that are killing me. I am going to get rid of all but one. And when I am out from under the pile. I am not going to get anymore. One debit card/master card is all I need. Cash is king for a reason. If you have it in hand you feel like one.
Paying cash for lunch, or the groceries, or gas for my car. I know that transaction is done. It will not be tacked on to the pile of stuff I’m paying for already. And I am not making my tank of gas cost me 100 bucks when the pump said 50.
It makes me feel honest with myself. I hand cash to the register people and they look at me funny for doing so. Good, look at me funny I don’t give a shit. I am no longer swiping that card.
Now for the ugly of it. I have gone to the grocery store and have embarrassingly taken things out of my cart because I didn’t have enough cash to pay. That was a very humbling experience. But I did not swipe that fucking card. Because I didn’t have it to swipe. I took the shot to my ego and walked out with what I could afford.
Believe me the first time that happens it is worth it. And I should be embarrassed. And that proves my point to myself. I have not been honest with my money to myself. I have let the ability to charge shit override my logical mind that can clearly see that $38.96 is more then $25.00. But my credit card doesn’t ever say it isn’t enough. My card will always say the price is right.
Sadly I have had to put things back at least 4 times now. It embarrasses me every time. Worse part is when you get the same cashier and she asks you if you have enough to pay for the groceries. Ouch. I embrace it though. After August I will have 300 bucks extra I can start paying down my other card with. That fucker will be dead by January if I do that. And if I can find some extra cash I can cut it down faster.
It is possible to get out from under and I am seeing small glimmers of light. Finally one of my ideas is starting to prove fruitful.
